2023 is coming to a close. We survived Covid….3 times, lost family, moved twice, hit snags along the way, and for some reason or another decided that staying within a cave was a better idea than to venture out and try again. What a crazy, depressing time to be alive. What a crazy 3 years its been.

I joke about being in hibernation mode but I feel its gotten to the point that I dont want to wake up. Maybe im depressed? Who know. I see it more about not understanding why I wanted certain things and why titles, jobs, were really worth the struggle to begin with. Now, now im mostly trying to understand if loosing what I have is more the driving force, fear, thats keeping me in hibernation mode. Im comfortable with where I’m at. Thats bad.

I feel I have to lose a bit to advance, but advance to what? I keep going back to trying to build something. But what?


I’ve accomplished everything that I’ve wanted to do with my life and I have done the things most people have on their bucket list. There is no hill for me to climb that is important for me. And each time I find a new hill the first thing that comes to mind is….why? Why is this important? And you know what? The “why” never really matters in the grand scheme of things. So I shrug it off.

But I am getting restless for something new.


Went to Ireland, London, France, and had a chance to revisit Scotland – now with the family. Was fun but then had my first bout of fighting a Panic/Anxiety attack and covid. It was not pretty. This lead me to make several life changes like heating better, running a lot more, dropping caffeine, and a few other bio-hacking things some might call crazy. So far its working.

What now?

I need to find some level of motivation.

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