Have you ever had to put something together using super glue only to have it broken apart? Yea thats the feeling today. Today feels like a TV show, “Armando must revisit old questions and encounter old demons”, yea that would be the plot for today…if it were a TV show.
I’m in Los Angeles for the weekend, spending some time with the folks, friends, and mostly driving around. I would say it was a great success in the “spend time with people” but a complete failure in what I intended to accomplish this weekend. I came back to think and get away from an environment which, as of late, has felt like its sucked the life out of me. Eh I guess you can say I tried the Silicon Valley kool-aid and, it wasnt for me. Now in Los Angeles I dont really feel like I belong here either.
The best way to describe what im feeling is, I was frozen in time and Im back, only wishing it was the early 2000’s or even the late 90’s again. We all go through this right? *sips vanilla latte. After today I just have more questions than answers. Way more questions. I thought I had covered these items. The reassuring thing? I must follow my path and see it through. I chose work.
So my birthday is coming up. I dont usually celebrate it and get odd looks when people ask me what im doing and I respond with “Nothing”. But its made me think about it. I want to head to Catalina and just spend the day there. Its more of the trip there that i like, being out in the sea with the water crashing against the boat. I like that feeling. I realize that birthdays are more for others to enjoy and not necessarily for you to enjoy. When I did have birthdays (very early in life) I was more pre-occupied trying to make everyone happy. Too stressful.
Its about winning.
I had a discussion with a friend today about, doesnt really matter, but he said, “its all about winning”. I responded with, “its not about winning or losing”. I dont think it matters if a person wins or loses in regards to the topic but on second though I dont think its about winning or losing anymore, in any topic or position you might be arguing for or against. If I can understand why you believe your position to be true, im ok with that. I might not agree with you but if living in a bubble brings anyone happiness theres no reason for me to jump in and correct the person. I chose my battles very carefully now and just express my sometimes express viewes when I see a person is either going in the wrong direction, about to lead others in the wrong direction, or about to slam into a brick wall. Other wise im content with listening.