Someday.

Do you think that we run in the way we live our life? I used to run a few laps in the opposite direction everyone else was running at the local park in South Gate when i lived in Los Angeles. Now, I run with my head down trying to finish my 2 miles. I look occasionally up to see how much i have left. .60 miles, 1.20 miles. 2 miles, *click the stop button. Just get it done.

I used to climb mountains in my dreams, a few nights ago I had a dream of climbing a mountain that I used to easily reach its summit, this time i took the harder route. The terrain wasn’t the issue it just had a casino, escalators, and generally people getting in my way. Beware of fluff.

2 teachers come to mind right now. One told my mom i had low self-esteem, the other told my mom I was a big fish in a small pond but I knew that already so I grow complacent. He warned me that one day I will be introduced to a bigger fish. Still thinking why this keeps bugging me.

I have a new friend that reminds me too much of an old friend. The body is different but the person is the same. We meet the same soul in this short journey many times throughout our lives for a reason. I’m not sure why.

I have 30 years to go, give or take. Going to make it count somehow.

Armando Padilla – Zoning out at work usually means im thinking of one of the 5 things above.

The need to write returns!

So Im back to writing.

Im currently in class … “in. class”. Some guy is presenting his final but yea, the prof said 20 minutes we all stuck to 20 minutes and this guy is going on 1 hour…:-| not cool. So to make the point clear im not paying attention anymore. I could be an asshole and say, “this machine learning algo isnt applicable to this” OR say, “whats wrong with current libraries, most if not all of what you want can already be done with Java AND even PHP” but im not i dont want to be that know-it-all guy in the class since i know my presentation wasnt good either BUT at least it ddnt take up an hour of our time. Anywho.

Why is it so easy for kids to realize a number of things which adults seem to over complicate. I guess you can say that we see the consequences. Wasnt it so much easier then? Lately I’m realizing the end of friendships are much like the end of a relationship born out of love (or the concept of love). Theres a slooow drown out process, but it does have a process. Ive been through both and I think “breaking up” with a friend is much worse.

At this point I feel like its a game of managing both expectations and risk.

Armando Padilla – on …whatever.

Ambition, What matters, and my short fuse.

Yes I did say I wasn’t going to write on here but whatever. Whats on my mind? What matters to me. A few years ago if someone would have said, “You care how much your partner makes, huh?”, I would have said, “im not that shallow. It doesn’t matter to me”. Now I have to fess up, it does matter to me. How do I feel about this? Not that bad actually. Here’s my justification. If one person in the relationship is working hard to be at and stay at a certain level of income while the other person isn’t holding up to their end of the bargain its only a matter of time before the person working hard starts to ask serious questions about the relationship. Making what my mom makes (she has no education) is not acceptable in my eyes any more. Can i say that i want someone to make what i make? Absolutely not! I believe making what my mom makes isnt pushing yourself. This is part of the complete “Love” package. Its no longer simply about loving someone, its about, “Does this person make for a good mate” plus the emotional piece.

Ambition. some people have it others don’t. For the last 2 maybe 3 years ive been sitting on my ass. I’ve bought into the idea that, “Hey as long as i know im good thats all that matters”. Turns out thats not how it works with me. I am good and im actively getting back to my “roots” of showing that im good. If people think im a dick…dont really care at this point. Am I saying im going to actively put people down and not be a team player? No! Being “good” at what you do also means making others around you good as well.

So lately, if I’ve blown you off or possibly cut you off, im not really going to apologize here, but rather want to say; if i allowed anyone around me to get away with just talk, I’ve failed you as a friend and/or bf.

Armando Padilla – on “getting on with the fuck’n program”